Let me cut through the nonsense.

What I will do for you.

I am trained in various forms of couple’s therapy, and I will encourage the Prepare/Enrich online assessment to clarify needs and strengths, so we have clear objectives from the start. This modality always works better if both partners are in individual therapy during this time. In fact, I think relationship counseling has poor outcomes if a partner refuses individual therapy, presents as placating or rigid and will not allow themselves to be influenced (not open to personal change in the service of the relationship). FYI I won’t play courtroom and won’t help you build a case against your partner, however warranted. I do provide therapy for people who have been betrayed in relationships but that is a different animal altogether.

As an aside, I do think much of what fuels intimate relationship struggles stems from adverse childhood experiences, and that will need to be explored.

I consider myself a trauma therapist and am trained in trauma methods. I find that these strategies translate well to teletherapy, though there are exceptions. I also am trained in addiction issues.

I do work with a lot of men and have been involved in men’s groups. If this is your first time in counseling, my opinion is that having a same-gender therapist can be more helpful for some people.

I will encourage you to work on challenges between sessions, and I will provide you with suggestions. I also have a free book, complete but broken into short sections, on my website blog. Check out RayHollandart.com. This book is titled Out of Restraints: Inspiration Inside-out and Upside-down. This is a creative-expressive approach intended for those wanting a self-directed growth experience. As a non-fiction literary work, it addresses much of the same material I wrote for therapists interested in psychodrama; that book, Heart-drama, is available still in soft cover and as an e-book.

I’ve been a therapist for decades, so it is equally important to tell you what I won’t do.

The field has changed radically over the years, and frankly has become more frustrating for all involved over the past couple of decades. So, I need to tell you what I will not do any more. At this time, I will not provide family therapy, though I have been highly trained in this area, because, I believe, the problems are larger than the identified patient. Often what shows up in an office is a complex family, societal and multi-generational problem, not just a child’s personal challenge. This complexity is best addressed by experienced young therapists who are already working with schools and youth programs etc.  God bless those who continue to do this.

I also will not take insurance. I will, however, make any adjustments I can to make sessions affordable for you. Though I have spent years developing diagnosis skills, insurance companies are looking for ways to deny and rule you out. Often, they determine (assess) your need for continued support, and they can change coverage policies etc., require that the therapist charge you a specific rate, require that you get billed if you miss an appointment (without exception) etc. I prefer to work exclusively for my clients. I will provide a DSM diagnosis when you feel this is in your best interest, and I invite diagnosis as an on-going conversation. If you need to utilize insurance, then utilize it for all its worth, but go into that arrangement with an open mind and be prepared to be your own advocate.

I also do not have office space. I use tele-therapy exclusively. Since the pandemic, virtual meetings have been seamless, and there are platforms that allow for deep work to occur. However, meeting face-to-face may be more effective, so that is something you need to weigh carefully. If you feel you are drifting from one mental health crisis to the next, or are in active addiction, tele-therapy may be a poor choice. You might even consider finding a therapist who works with a physician or psychologist who can provide med-management, or you might explore inpatient treatment options.