X-posing the Fallen Relationship

Enactment of Selfishness

 The Colonizer

Triangulating, Opportunistic, Gaslighting

 

We observe certain constellations of family interactions which we have epitomized as the pattern of family interdependence, roles those of destroyer or persecutor, the victim of the scapegoating attack, and the family healer or the family doctor.             Nathan Ackerman, 1968

Unconscious cyclical struggles amplify in darkness. One human pattern has been called the Karpman Triangle, first described by Dr. Ackerman, depicting shifting positions that rotate through families. You might recognize the Perpetrator by their weapons, the Victim portrayed as a helpless child, with the Rescuer(s) arriving over the hill.

You might reflect on public figures who play these roles. In the news you continually hear the tale of the intimidator, or the maltreated, or the savior. These 3 character-positions are artifices of culture, productions of history, immortalized in our fiction as villains acting against the vulnerable whose troubles are addressed by heroes. They have naturally different stakes in the game which provides narrative tension and drives the action.

The Perpetrator’s form (what I am calling the Colonizer) is depicted with the machine gun and a fake shaman’s hat. In society at large, this role varies from gang leaders, spoiled billionaires, angry executives, politicians, lawyers, and abusive partners, etcetera. We have all encountered bullies in our lives, and, just to avoid problems, we may have given them leeway. Often, they have “followers” who glorify them, maybe openly as a cult figure, or secretly envy them in fantasies of retribution and vengeance. This is our primitive biology on display, interpreting power wielded with ruthlessness, rage, and targeted nastiness as the behavior of a successful leader.

Why this painting?

This painting wonders if you are feeling mired in an environment where bullies get their way? Are you targeted, scapegoated? If so, then you may respond by living isolated and fearful of being dragged into the fields and set on fire. If that sounds hyperbolic, you are at some level of denial, because equivalent horrors happen every moment in the Fallen world. When we turn away or minimize that reality to stave off our overwhelm, the Oligarchs and sociopaths with their followers move in to strip us of Truth and work energetically and unapologetically to destroy what is Beautiful.

What may be even more soul-destroying, if you stay fearfully hidden you will overlook those who share your compassionate vision and could assist you in laying down a foundation of kindness.

Inside Out:

Colonizers need people to victimize, to colonize those who are less-then, to steal their experiential territory, which prompts and fuels a Rescuer to act. To be a helper is not necessarily pathological. Compassion is a capacity of a functioning Heart, but if you find yourself playing this specific role repeatedly or constantly triangulated and sunk in conflict, then that pattern (any pattern) is worth your reflection. You will likely find the origin of this “repetition compulsion” in the familiar walk on parts you played in the original family drama.

The three-pronged division of characters Ackerman described can be active in our inner world, yet we can remain unconscious of it. Often, we recognize that our psyche has evolved an ego personality modeled after an abusive parent or caretaker when it constantly berates us in words we know well. This Colonizer/Perpetrator will trigger us by its abusive and demeaning catcalls, spot lighting a wounded child who is filled with fearful memories. Then wrestling begins, as a protecting Rescuer arrives, attempting to shield this “inner child.”

But this is just an example. Each of us struggles with our own unique dramas. What is universal is that such inner chaos depletes our ability to stay inwardly peaceful and focused. Often, we need therapy to reduce the turmoil.

Upside down:

“The stage set is conceived, painted, defined by men…They have assigned themselves the most interesting, most heroic parts, giving women the supporting roles.” Gerda Lerner

Colonizers are known by many names, and of course on stage we will encounter them with their individual, particular manifestations. We may name them Narcissist, Warrior, King, CEO, or Abusive Spouse, or Culture of Male Domination, the pilot fish swimming with the predator, etc. At core, they all are Working for Power. The Colonizer, the “successful” ones, at least at the beginning, can hide in a meritocracy. Since any advancement elevates them, they must have earned it. They must be inherently superior. We assume they must have put in time and effort. And, as you might expect, a Colonizer is great at accepting credit.

At bottom, the Colonizer wants more than anything to rob you of your autonomy, to project their assumptions, to pressure others to live up to their rules and expectations. This dominating stance is sometimes enforced with aggression. But Colonizers can be charismatic, seductive, even as they make you feel stupid, deflecting, or outright lying about their self-centered maneuvering, using egoic strategies popularly called gas-lighting or bread-crumbing, or unleashing flying-monkeys etc.

You may notice Colonizing physicians berate their nurses and call them idiots. Colonizing lawyers take pride in being persecutors because it’s not sufficient to just prosecute crimes or protect their clients; they seek to disempower and dismember “the other side.” Using arrogance as a weapon maybe only be a vicious competitive pastime for them but can drag you into a game that has no winner.

It may be helpful to remember that you do not need to defend yourself unless you are in a court of law; and if you are in court, then get a good defense attorney.